Blogging - an open expression of those complex matters of the contriet heart and mind. Be it one's inner most fear, desire or pain - blogging. That's what I'm doing now... I think... finding a way to let it all out - to express - to proclaim - to let go.

I want it to end - fast. Just take, look and go. I see no need for those long speeches - they never mean it anyway - "good job" or "you've done your best" ; "don't worry" or "it's alright" - phony! After almost 19 years, you can decern that "I-told-you-so" face or attitude. "Pity" still is the last thing I want.

Reduced to a mere sheet of paper. Remember Terrance Goh telling me that 3 years ago - there's education for you. I'm not saying that it's wrong but well, I'll find out soon - whatever those papers read. No one may judge me but myself on this. No one. I define success - I define failure. I define.

I.

My mind has been hard at work considering all various permutations of the senarios that may occur - ABBC, BBBC, BBCC, BCDD, BCDE, CCDE, CDDE and even CDEO. Haven't tried the Fs yet. Don't wish too. Now, what did I miss out? Permuations. Interesting ain't they. They decide your future!

I don't see how I'll possibly "take-what-comes". It's like starting at yourself in the mirror and saying "I shall not fear Fear." Ghost Rider, ya. Possible. Impossible. Perhaps. Take what comes.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Negative or positive. Ah! Crap!

It's just that blow... that one blow that I can't anticipate. The moment Cheng hands me my destiny. His face... his voice. I don't wanna see or hear. Take and go. I can't anticipate - I can't visualise. Dreams - idealised - I hope not... Don't think so ba...

The clock ticks - second by second - eventually it'll come.

Let it come. I've seen enough I guess... just one more step. Just one more. And you're not alone this time. Let it all go. Let it all go. Let it all go. Let go. Go!

God - help. You see through the confusion. You know what I don't. You know. Show me and guard me. Be there as You always have.

That moment. That very moment. Hold on.

For it has been written.

Let it all go - gone.